There seems to be a wave of extremely heated discussion over the upcoming, much advertised, film ’50 Shades of Grey.’
Yes, it’s just a book. Yes, it’s just a film. Yes, there are many other pseudo-erotic/BDSM books out there; maybe some of those also portray domestic abuse wrapped up as ‘erotic romance’ as this one does.
But the difference is; This is the one in the public eye at the moment. This is the one that has been made into a film bringing in the mega-bucks for Hollywood. A film that many many young people, both men and women, will see, either on Valentine’s Day, or half-giggling, half-horrified, with their friends. And it sickens me.
Why?? Because I lived for five years inside the script of 50 Shades. My Mr Grey nearly killed me. He trapped me, isolated me, and finally, he stabbed me three times. It wasn’t romance, or love. It was about control, and his fear of being abandoned.
No one is telling anyone not to read it, or to hate it. That’s because we have freedom of choice, supposedly. I also have the freedom of choice to tell the world why I hate it, and I will exercise that right, until men STOP trying to control and subjugate women. This also applies to women that abuse their partners. ALL domestic violence is wrong.
Coming from a person who has been abused by a partner, and recognises all the hallmarks of an abuser in this book, I am angry about the way it is being marketed as ‘Romance, Hot, A Love Story, Erotica‘ etc. THAT is my problem with this book. NOT the sex, NOT the horrible clichés, NOT the quality of the writing – however poor that may be! And it is. Very.
I am angry because I have two teenage daughters, and I want them to know the difference between a healthy, and a dangerously non-healthy relationship. For an inexperienced young person, these signs can be so hard to spot, and I fear for them when stories like these, (which I cannot, and will not ban them from reading) totally cloud the view of what is and isn’t abuse.
This isn’t just about BDSM for consenting adults. Or just kinky sex. It’s not really about the sex.
This insidious, creeping, system of control over Ana takes place throughout the whole spectrum of the story in this book. It restricts and second guesses her everyday thoughts and actions. And that, my friends is ABUSE.
Believe me. I have lived it, and survived.
And that makes me very happy!