Life and Love

New beginnings are scary

The Hedgeblog

path

For about ten years now, I have felt horribly trapped. In a situation and marriage of my own making, and in a situation that there seemed no way out of. Until now…

Something changed this Spring. I don’t know quite how. It wasn’t planned, or expected, but the winds of change have blown in; bringing the answer to my questions aloft its mighty wings.

They say if you ask the Universe for it hard enough, the Universe will oblige. I only ever half-hoped, half-believed that. So I only ever half-received what I asked for. Until I let myself believe that there might be a better future for me, and for my so-dearly loved children, who I have always put before my own happiness.

But now they are almost grown, into fearless, independent, beautiful and smart young women. I can at last see a possible way out of my unhappy, and at times, lonely marriage of 15 years.

Do I deserve it? That’s a question I ask myself, daily. “I’m still not sure I do” I answer myself. But I’m damn well going to take the happiness offered to me with open arms…

Until I feel deserving of it…

 

 

28 thoughts on “New beginnings are scary”

    1. That’s so kind of you!! (and unexpected!) I have been going through some heavy personal stuff recently, so have lost my blogging ‘mojo’. Plus I didn’t think anyone would miss me that much!

      You have given me a boost. Thank you so much, David!! ❤

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      1. My pleasure. You are a talented writer and you seem like a really sweet person! I currently madly write three blogs and I’m loving it but I know they can be hard work. If you enjoy doing it though, you should because it’s lovely to hear your thoughts! 🙂

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      2. Aww. Thanks (again!) I have followed you, and I look forward to reading all your stuff. It looks promising so far! Weird Al is a favourite of mine too. 🙂

        Hedgey x

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  2. Hi ! Been ages since I popped onto any blogs but intrigued to see this and wondered how you’re doing ??? I'[m sure you have done a lot of soul searching and in the end only you can know what to do . But one thing we all deserve is happiness!!! I hope you find yours soon. All the best!xxx

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  3. You are a fabulously strong woman Angela, no wonder your daughters have followed suit in that (my apologies, I didn’t realise until I read this just now why you were moving back to UK). Onwards and upwards and well done on taking a very very difficult leap xxx

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  4. You most definitely do deserve happiness! Time to grab it and do what you want to do with your life for a change. You have done a wonderful job in bringing up your lovely daughters whilst trapped in an unhappy marriage, and I’m sure they want you to be happy now. Keep telling yourself, you deserve happiness, and don’t talk yourself out of the idea: Great things ahead, Angela. xx 😀

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    1. Thanks for all your lovely & encouraging comments Millie. I do appreciate you taking the time! I shall take your advice, & not feel so guilty about grabbing happiness for myself. While wishing it for you, and others I care about. Have a lovely day Millie – be kind to yourself! 😊 xxx

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  5. This is momentous news. I am full of admiration for you! Anyone who is brave enough to take the leap you are taking deserves a round of applause. Too many of us lack the courage to exchange the unsatisfactory known for the risky but in all likelihood much better unknown. Wishing you the very best in this new chapter!!

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  7. I wasn’t nearly so brave. I just couldn’t say “I want a divorce.” So I sneakily suggested an open marriage and when he got hooked, I could creep away. I am a coward, but I got away.

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    1. We all do thing in our own way! I’ve been a coward too… for waiting so long that it’s damaging all of us. Now it’s time to rip off the bandaid – and quickly. Hurts less that way (I’m hoping!) ❤

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  8. Course you deserve happiness, hon. And it’s there, just waiting for you, but you’ll need to reach out and make a grab for it.

    Listen to your heart. It knows what to do. Don’t waste another moment clinging to the wreckage of the past – there’s no surer way to drown.

    Trust yourself, Ang. You’ve got this.

    ((hugs))

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  10. People settle for the status quo rather than rocking the boat because it’s easier, safer. Making the tough decision to change, that’s the hard path, the brave road. It’s not as well trodden as the safe route, it is The Road Less Travelled by most but the rewards are worth the peril when you reach the other side.
    Keep going, not long now.
    ❤

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  11. YES. Yes, you deserve to be happy. You deserve to have relationships in which you feel treasured, rather than ignored or neglected. You deserve to spend your life with people who help you bloom and grow, rather than hold you back. A big hug to you, and my very best, as you consider what you want out of the NEXT 15 years.

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  12. Of course you deserve it. All mothers sacrifice some, but you have to have a life to have something to give back. Your bravery inspires.

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